Home For the Holidays
We went to the Festival of Trees last night. It's a local event put on every year where different groups decorate and donate a tree, there's singing and music and a gift shop, very...holiday-y. We went because my niece's school choir was performing, and I try my best to be there for these things. I knew it was going to be tough, I don't want to celebrate the holidays at all let alone be around a bunch of smiley happy families that do. I walked in and looked around at all the trees, the kids running around with their goodies, saw all the smiling parents and found myself thinking, "Khyri would love this.....she would be all over these trees...I wonder what would catch her eye in this in little gift shop..." and the tears started. Then stopped. I bought a couple little angel gadgets. Then while waiting for the performance, Khaily was up to her ususal shenanigans, and a woman asked me, "Is she your only one?" I thought about it for a second, caught off guard and unsure how to answer, I said, "No, my one year old passed away in October." And I left. I will always have two kids. She's still mine even though she's not here. I'm still her mom, she's still my baby...I know this...but it's hard to have to explain it...Khaily is not my only one, she's just my only one here. I hope that they have Christmas in Heaven. They would almost have to right? A birthday party of some kind? I don't want her to be alone on Christmas. I don't want her to have to look down and see all the other kids happy with their families. I don't want her to miss us. I just want her to be happy.
Posted by Sky Buck