Baby Dreams and Angel Kisses

I realized today that I spend an enormous amount of time looking at Khyri.  Yes, I know that that sounds crazy, no I do not care.  I look at her handprints on the mirrors and windows.  I look at her pictures (obviously.)  I watch her in the backseat of the car, I watch her sleep.  Not literally obviously, but I can see her there in my mind's eye always.  I can see her in a million ways, in  a million outfits, sleeping and awake, moving or staying still.  Sometimes I feel like I'm losing my mind.  It's like I'm living in many worlds.  Not just the before and after, but also the here and there.  I live in the present, where most things in the world hurt, where someone is always missing, where I go through the motions because I have no other choice.  I live in a land of memories, where I can stare into her room and hear her breathing, where I can hear a song on the radio and see her dancing in her carseat, a world where I wake up in the middle of the night to the sound of soft sleepy sobs that aren't there.  I live in a daydream demention, where I'm above the clouds, sitting on a swing watching her chase Spencer through the softest grass, rainbows dancing off of her smile.  It's hard to not believe that I'm going mad.  Sometimes it hurts to live so many places.  Sometimes I wish that I didn't.  I always wish that I had another choice.  I wish that she was here and the other dementions were non-existant.  I wish that I didn't have to daydream about my baby.  I just want her here.  I found a picture today of her sleeping...I had captioned it "baby dreams and angel kisses" and the irony almost dropped me to the floor.  I miss her.  I miss my baby girl.  I feel robbed and cheated....and I hate the worlds I live in.