Me and Jason had only been together for...three days shy of two months when we found out I was pregnant. Early enough in the relationship that most guys woulda ran, but he didn't. He didn't leave me in the hospital, he stayed at home for months so that I could work without having to pay for daycare, he gave every second to our kids, and still does. When Khy left us, he went back to work three days after the funeral, so that I could take the time off that I needed to function. He didn't take any time off until his boss gave him no choice but to take a week off to deal. A week. That's it. I took a month off, and then another two months off earlier this year. It's not that he isn't sad. He falls apart all the time. It's that he's a dad, and a damn good one, and he chooses to honor her by making sure that when I need time to not function I have that time. Not only is he an amazing dad for Khyri, he's managed to stay strong and be there for Khaily too...especially on the days when I can't...and those days happen, those of you who have been here know that some days you just need to NOT. Not get out of bed, not shower, not cook or clean, just NOT. And on the days when I have needed to NOT, he HAS. And he hasn't complained. He hasn't played the "what about me card," he hasn't played the, "I lost my baby too" card, not once. Maybe it's because he knows that I know all that, he doesn't need to bring it up, or maybe it's because he's just worried about me and Khaily more than himself. THAT is what makes a dad. Despite his shattered soul, he continues to care for mine. Despite the tears in his eyes, he still manages to dry Khailys. Despite the days where he just wants to NOT, he does.
Some days it's really hard for me...and this is going to sound bad...but some days I wish that he would just NOT. That he would let me take care of him. But when these things come up, he says that he got his time to lose it during the week that I was handling arrangements and dealing with everything that first week. He says that that was his time and this is mine. Do my kids not have the most amazing dad ever?
Today, I just want to say, even though I know he will probably never read this, that I love you babe. I love that you have held it together even though you didn't have to. I love that you have been the backbone when I coudln't be. And more than anything I love that you gave me Khyri, and that you took Khaily on as your own, even though you didn't have to do either. You are an amazing daddy, and our kids are so lucky to have you as theirs.
Happy Fathers Day.
No comments:
Post a Comment