Breakdown

Today was an epic breakdown day.  I cry every single day, but today was like the day after it happened...I woke up crying and didn't stop.  I called my dearest best friend Jen because...well because she's Jen.  We talked for two hours.  I told her all my fears and all my frustrations at God and at the situation and all the unfairness...and she put it to me in a way that I haven't thought of before.  She said, "when a kid gets mad at their parents, the parents don't take it to heart...they understand that the kid is just frustrated and having a hard time, but the love is still there and they won't be mad forever."  I know that God is the Father, but today is the first time that I've looked at Him from a parental state of view...I know that we aren't supposed to look at God as a human, but He is the Father  after all, right?  I'd like to think that it's like when Khaily gets mad at me...that He doesn't take it to heart and that he understands that I'm in a really really hard spot...and loves me anyway...that my spiritual temper tantrum right now isn't going to doom me to damnation later...that it's okay to be angry and confused and upset, because at the end of the day God still loves me.  That just like I don't do things to hurt Khaily even though sometimes that's the outcome, God didn't do this to hurt me, it's just an unfortunate outcome...someday I hope that I can see in color again, and stop being so mad. Until then...I think God loves me anyway.